Off the tip of your tongue

Dude. I just got my new laptop. Its freaking ballin man. I love it. It has already changed my life because it is mine. I have dreamed of this day since like forever. I have something that is my very onwn and no one can take that from me. It’s like getting the big red bike for christmas, but its a shiny new laptop you have bought for yourself. I am going to change history with this thing i can see it coming lol.

Brandon Ford

BROX is back

I dont know what it is about me. i feel all jumbled up in the inside right now, like i cant sort through the mess that has consumed me. I think i piss other people off unknowingly. I realize that i have things about me that is going to be hard for me to change about myself. If only she knew how hard i am trying. There is an war going on inseid of me, like good and evil, and the good is coming out but the bad shows its hideous face. I cant help it sometimes. I cant help the habits u want me to change.

When you met me, i was me.
Today i am me.
Tonight i am me.

I believe that i am coming to terms with myself. I cant help that i do it. I love u, but i need u to stand my me and let the formation complete itself. I look at u and feel great. I wish u would open up to me. Sometimes i act like that in envy. It kills me u tell someone else something but will never tell me. I hate that. I hate that u know it and willingly admit it. I hate that u are not emotionally drawn to me. Ur hardness is not what i want from u. i just want u. ui need u. I love u. if only u knew how much. I think that right now as i talk to u that we realize how much would change if we did not have each other. The hard part of the distance is that u dont see my face. The frown and wrinkles tear the time in half and creates a moment that fulfills ones destiny and lets one dream and be free.

For nights dwindle by and my eyes stare wanderingly

an hourglass is a sandglass that has something to do with time….it consists of two bulbs in a narrow tube. One of the tubes is filled with fine sand that flows to the bottom in a given fine rate…

I dont see a hourglass like that…i dont see it as a sand glass….the hour glass represents how life  is ticking one second away..the fine sand trickles down to the next bulb and that is dead time that we will never get back…the hourglass is like the raven in edgar allen poes poem…it hurts me to see my life trickle away to nothing….

the hourglass will be turned upside down and become someones apparacy….it will become my past..the sand that i can never have back….the sixty seconds are up and my life is over…i think that when i look back at it…i did nothing…and it will have gone down as nothing…just ordinary…nothing…..the hourglass.

today has been a pretty cool day….i woke up…ate……and did my thing…..wait!!!! i left for the big trip
it was weird for me to leave behind my apartment…i didnt know how to say goodbye…i couldnt say goodbye to anyone so i just crept out like the silent cat….jane gave me the ride…..it was weird to tell her goodbye…..sitting in breakfast and laughing with jane had me sad inside as i would not see her beautiful smile for months and maybe more….i looked at her and was in despair…..we took great pics…i knw that things would not be the same after that….it just wouldnt…i saw her cry and it made me feel bad…..i got to the airport and almost culntd contain myself i see monica and her tears….i thought of what i was leaving behind…in the airport jane bids me goodbye and i thought of the life///the move…the life and her….she doesnt know it but its her….i see her leave and think of the song of my life….if only she knew…jane…..

on the plane its my first ride….i am not nervous….it takes off and im out….up again and in cali…..the funny thing is that the only person i know there is myself……on the plane to oregon…..im out and thinking…..

in the mix….

I have become a Foster club all-star.

I am a role model.

Am I a role model?

I am to help others and defend them.

Am I a vigilant?

I am to advocate for others.

Am i really the guy for the job?

Am i really the guy for this?

I mean i am an all-star next friday and yet i don’t know if i am up for the job?

I look into the skies and cry out his name. I yell for my god and hear no response. I scream for his attention and the night is filled with breathe taking silence. I drop to my knees. The biggest rush hits me in the head and my emotions become explosive. I am so pissed that rage fills my soul and turns me into the man i fear. The rage changes my appearance to a bloody illusion of my father. If anyone gets in my way i promise not to hesitate and kill the motherfucker. I look into puddle on the ground and i look into my eyes. I see someone else. I see the scared boy who cant let go. I see Brandon Ford, the boy who wants more and much more. He who wants to please everyone. I fall back into me. I fall into the ground and here i am. the boy. I am scared, i feel adventrous, i am ready to leave into the world and dont look back. I want to lead my army and conquer. I want to conquer what my parents were never able to. I want to be happy. I want to see the world in another way and not just a place that fills my rage. I want people to understand me. I want to be happy………..

FrustraTION PLAYS ON IN MY HAED.
THE FRUSTRATION I FEEL HURTS ME TO THE  POINT I AM NOT ME ANYMORE.
I FEEL SO DARK NOW
NO ONE KNWOS ME AND IT BECOMES SO VISIBLE WHEN OTHERS SPEAK THEIR LOVE
I FEEL LIKE THE WIND
YOU FEEL MY PRESENCE BUT CANT SEE ME
I FEEL LIKE THE FLY IM EVERYWHERE AND I AM LOATHED
I AM THE CYNNICAL VERSION OF MYSELF
I TAKE OVER HIM WHEN THERE IS NO ONE OR NO WHERE ELSE FOR HIM TO GO
I BECOME THE LEADER HE NEEDS I AM THE PERSON HE WANTS
I MAKE HIM FEEL THE PAINS OF THE WORLD
I REMIND HIM OF HIS PAST TROUBLES
I MAKE HIM FEEL THE FRUSTRATION OF LIFE AND I TURN HIS HATRED INTO ENVY
HIS ENVY IS SUCCESS AND HIS LOVE IS NOTHING
I WANT HIM DEAD ON THE INSIDE
I WANT HIM TO HATE HAET HATEAHET
IF NOONE CAN FEEL THE LOVE I FELT AGAIN
THERE IS NOTHING THAT ANYONE CAN DO AND WILL DO
I HAVE TAKEN OVER HIM AND THE BRANDON YOU KNEW IS LOCKED UP AND I AM GOING TO TEACH HIM HOW TO TAKE WHAT HE WANTS
THE BRANDON YOU KNEW IS DONE AND SUSUPENDED MAYBE AFTER HE GROWS A PAIR WILL I LET HIM BE OR MAYBE NOT…………………

What does success mean to me??

It means being able to accomplish what you set out to do….That you are happy with what you did with your life and nothing more and nothing less……

I got the phone call of my life last night and since then it has all changed…..

It has all changed…..and I am ready for the unknown……tell me are you? Are you ready to put your faith into a person you dont know?

I am…. I am……. bless god almighty